Fatherhood Lessons from the Israeli Special Forces
Three Lessons from the Israeli Special Forces to be Peak Dad While Pursuing a Career.
The Israeli Special Forces shaped who I am. Every day I draw on those experiences to be a more engaged Dad while actively pursuing career success. There are 5 lessons I learned from my time in the IDF that helps me parent, here are 3 of them:
Difficulty is fleeting. The moment the challenge ends, only the glory remains.
Last night, my feverish 4-year-old daughter slept in my room. I woke to the distinctive sound of her throwing up. I flew out of bed and carried her to the bathroom while she puked on my arm. As she vomited all over the toilet seat and floor, I held back her curly red hair. I was tired from a long work day and multiple wake-ups and not looking forward to the puke cleanup. The moment the puke was clean and my head was hit the pillow, all I remembered was the memory of holding her beautiful hair.
I remember when I finished the 4-day long selection for the special unit, Duvdevan. During those 4 days, 85% of the people dropped out. When it finished, I took the most pleasurable shower from a pipe coming out of a wall. Then, I sat on my cot, put Pink Floyd on my earphones, and opened a chocolate bar. I ate that chocolate as slowly as possible. The pain, suffering, and difficulty of the past 4 days vanished. Only the glory and pride remained.
When in the midst of a challenge, I remind myself that I will not remember the hardship, only the beautiful memories.
The more physically fit and healthy I am the better I handle challenges and stressors.
Physical fitness cannot be underestimated. In my military unit, we did pull-ups with 50 pounds of gear. We exercised constantly and stayed at the very peak of our physical fitness. We trained marksmanship and Krav Maga after stress and exhaustion. When we faced unexpected challenges on a mission, we handled them better if we were not battling physical fatigue.
As a working Dad, I need stamina. There is emotional stress, sleep deprivation, and physical challenges. Being fully engaged and keeping up with the children while working a challenging career is exhausting. Physical fitness and healthy eating are critical for me to be my peak, Dad. As an aside, my energy level, focus, and mood dramatically changed when I cut out sugar and processed carbs from my diet. I exercise 3-5 times per week and this keeps me energized for long hours at work followed by deep engagement with the kids.
Put others first, always.
A special forces unit operates at peak efficiency when each member prioritizes each other. An officer puts his soldiers first, and each soldier supports the person next to them. Each soldier puts themselves last and only when the team’s needs are met, their needs can be satisfied.
Being a good Dad is about putting others first (I think Moms do this more intuitively). When I got married I committed to putting my wife first, always. When I had kids, I committed to putting my wife and kids first. I know some couples that keep a running tally of who has done what (e.g., I changed the last two diapers, you change the next two). I don’t keep a tally because it is my role to do for others. The irony is that when focusing on the needs of others, my needs get met (of course it helps that my wife is intuitive and deeply in touch with what I need and want).
While I learned these lessons in the IDF, you do not need to enlist to incorporate these lessons into your life. Being an engaged parent while working is not easy, but succeeding at it can be deeply rewarding.
Well done.
Well said. My children are now 27 and 25. I have always put my wife and children first, but I sacrificed my physical well-being to do so. The price was worth it but the cost was high.