In Pursuit of Career Success, Don't Forget the Lost Time
Last week I was asked whether I found paternity leave rewarding.
Last week, a young lawyer asked if I enjoyed my parental leave?
I have had 3 babies and I never took paternity leave.
I was offered paternity leave. But, as a young M&A lawyer, I heard the comments from supervisors. The partner who said he worked on his laptop in the maternity ward. Another partner said, he worked through every family vacation, and another said, that if I don’t work on Shabbat I shouldn’t be an M&A lawyer.
So, each time when our babies were born I told my wife I don't want to lose my path to partnership.
As a young M&A lawyer in a Biglaw firm, I was laser-focused on the partner path. I far exceeded my hours requirements. I accepted every deal I was offered and attended every happy hour. I slept in a sleeping bag in my office and pulled an average of at least one all-nighter a week. When my babies were up at night, I strapped them to me and worked through the night.
I didn't want to lose my path to partnership
What I didn't know is I would lose so much more. I lost out on that new baby smell, the baths in the sink, those first cracks of a smile, and holding a hand so tiny the fingernails are barely visible.
When a BigLaw M&A lawyer reached out last week hesitant to take paternity leave, I told him, think about what you will lose.
One day, there will be no diapers, no bounce toys, and no midnight feedings. One day we watch our kids turn their backs and bike away.
As ambitious Moms and Dads, we are committed to our careers and succeeding. I work hard and I love working hard, but it can't come at the cost of being engaged moms and dads.
If you are a mom or dad who needs to hear this, don’t make the same mistake I did.
There is a stigma to a parent taking child leave. Last week I spoke to an expecting Dad who waived off paternity leave and said, I’m not that kind of guy. But, as we were talking it became clear that when Dads take time off to be with their child there are not only massive benefits to the family, but also in giving the parent time to reassess their life path and get their priorities in order.
I spoke to another Dad who could trace each major career leap back to his parental leave. Just like Shabbat, parental leave allows us to disengage and realign.
Shabbat Shalom
In Pursuit of Career Success, Don't Forget the Lost Time
I took a few days off when each of my kids were born, and that was it. But I e made it a priority, as they’ve grown older to make sure I take them every I various practices, attend all their games/recitals, and work as little as possible on weekends when they are home. The work will always be there, no matter how much of it we do. It is infinite. But the amount of time we have with our kids is not. They will leave home, and before that they will not necessarily want us around so much (in learning!). I say that after leaving work, 3x per week for the last two months to catch middle school baseball games, and spending my Saturday at soccer, ballet, and baseball. THIS is the real stuff. Work is interesting, can be fun, and can give me a sense of pride. But never in the amount or same way as watching my kids doing (or trying to do) something they e decided they love. Thanks for another spot-on column. I look forward to them every Friday. I hope (assuming you’re looking at this late Saturday evening or Sunday) you had a good and relaxing and enjoyable Shabbat.